Interpersonal conflicts can happen between in any
place and between any person. And unfortunately the following conflict was between
me and one of my close friend.
This happened was way back when I was in my
secondary school. I had this very close friend that I have known since secondary one.
Let’s call him A. We were in the same class for the first 2 year of our
secondary school. A and I happened to be in the same CCA and we became very
close friend. Halfway into year 2, he got addicted to online gaming and he
would start coming up with lies like falling sick and begin skipping our CCA trainings. A few of my CCA
friends and I tried to talk to him and his attitude did change a little bit.
Later on, this same group of friends from my CCA decided to sign up for a voluntary event whereby
we are facilitators and we are supposed to accompany a group of disabled patients to spend their day out at the Bukit Timah nature reserve. All of
us went for the briefing and orientation and we were each paired with 1 or 2 patients
that we are supposed to be bringing around on the actual day. We also went for
trainings on what to look out for when taking care of this disabled
people.
The actual day came and we all
gathered at the meeting place at about 8am in the morning. It was time and A still did not turn up. We tried calling his cell phone
but he did not pick up. We got no choice but carry on with the event without him. Later on that day, I got a message from A saying that he was having a fever and was
not able to make it for the event. Knowing him so well, I am pretty sure that
was a lie and he was most likely playing online game till late night or he was simply too lazy to wake up so early for the event. What do you think I should do knowing that he was most probably lying?
Hi Wei Song,
ReplyDeleteFrom my thinking, after talking to A, you guys had successfully changed his attitude a little bit; therefore, you should tried to talk more to him, pointing out what disadvantages of not prioritizing tasks are. The more you explained, the more he noticed drawbacks of playing computer games too much.
If you let him continue lying, he will be more addicted to online game. In the end, he may do something more than lying, such as, stealing money to top up credits, and, in the worst case, becoming NEET.
Moreover, if he is lazy to go out on weekend, you should do voluntary work after school instead. Then, he cannot make an excuse of being sick. After he does the work repeatedly, it will become a habit and he will continue doing community service and getting less addicted to games.
Finally, I am interested in how he is doing now? Are you guys still friends?
By the way, these are some possible changes you can consider.
1. (P.1) between me and one of my close friend. >> close friends
2. (P.2) This happened was way back >> This happening
3. (P.4) We got no choice but carry on with the event without him. >> but carried
Hi Jae,
DeleteThanks for your comment and pointing out some of my grammatical errors. Yup, we are still friends now. Some time after the incident, he managed to quit gaming and was more involved in the CCA and some of our class gathering, etc. I did not actually confronted him regarding the incident. I guess he probably realised that excessive gaming was not really good for him and decided to change for the better.
It is always hard to change a person. It is his choice not to show up, and how much you're going to try convincing him to attend the events it's always his choices. I think you have tried hard already and maybe let him go his own ways. Hopefully he will understand that gaming isn't the real life, but he has to make that statement by himself. I would give him some time.
ReplyDeleteJohanna, there is no hope for someone addicted to game changes himself to not playing game. At least as a close friend we need to point out that he is doing something wrong. Between "I played games day and night and forget all other things in life" and "though I played a lot, I keep my promise and work according to plan", we all prefer the latter, right ?
DeleteI agree with Ramon. I play games a lot too. But play is play, work is work; everybody need to prioritize things and be responsible. I think, as a close friend you should talk to him personally some time after the event. Point out that he was lying. If I was that friend, I would be very ashamed of myself. Personally I have few close friends, and close friends who gave you personal advices are even rare. Hence, if my close friends say something to me, I will consider to change myself.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he need some motivation, next time, go to his house early and drag him along.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Wei Song,
ReplyDeleteYou can consider including the following changes:
Interpersonal conflicts can happen between in any place and between any person.
>>> Interpersonal conflicts can happen in any place and between any people.
And unfortunately the following conflict was between me and one of my close friend.
>>> Unfortunately the following conflict was between me and one of my close friends.
This happened was way back when I was in my secondary school
>>> This happened way back…
for the first 2 year of our secondary school.
>>>for the first 2 years of our secondary school.
CCA and we became very close friend.
>>>CCA and we became very close friends.
he would start coming up with lies like falling sick and begin skipping our CCA trainings.
>>>he would start coming up with lies like falling sick and would begin to skip our CCA trainings.
Later on, this same group of friends from my CCA decided to sign up for a voluntary event whereby we are facilitators and we are supposed to accompany a group of disabled patients to spend their day out at the Bukit Timah nature reserve.
>>>Later on, this same group of friends from my CCA decided to sign up for a voluntary event where we act as facilitators. We were supposed to accompany a group of disabled patients to spend their day out at the Bukit Timah nature reserve.
that we are supposed to be bringing around on the actual day.
>>>that we were supposed to bring around on the actual day.
We also went for trainings on what to look out for when taking care of this disabled people.
>>>We also went for trainings on what to look out for when taking care of these disabled people.
at about 8am in
>> at about 8 am in
We got no choice but carry on with the event without him.
>>>We had no choice but to carry on with the event without him.
Later on that day, I got a message from A
>>>Later on that day, I received a message from A
that was a lie and he
>>>that it was a lie and he
he was most likely playing online game till late night
>>>and he most likely played an online game till late at night
What do you think I should do knowing that he was most probably lying?
>>>What do you think I should do, knowing that he was most probably lying?
Thanks,
Aditi and Min
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting, and challenging dilemma, Wei Song. It's compelling because of the drama that you've set up, with your friend becoming addicted to gaming and then his showing callous regard for his responsibility. I'd guess some of your peers have experienced cases in which "friends" shirk their duties and lie, so the story is also relevant.
ReplyDeleteYou've also told the story concisely and completely, but it's rife with grammar errors that detract.
Those problems have been illustrated by your classmates.
What ca you do to make your next post more problem free?
Hi Wei Song,
ReplyDeleteThis problem is very hard to solve, as if your friend is really addictive on playing computer games, this addiction, as every one of them, can be after certain time dangerous. It does not involve only himself but also people around him. But if I were his friend, I would try to focus first on the reason, why does he play games so often, that it interferes into his life. Usually people start to be addictive on anything because they are trying to escape from their real life - they are unhappy or bored. So I would suggest to talk to him more about what was leading to this playing and solve the cause firstly, find some replacing and more meaningful activity for him. Than the things maybe would be more clear and he will not have to lie.
Kateřina
Hi Wei Xiong,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your post.
I think the fact that your friend actually made the effort to go down for the training sessions indicated that he was indeed keen on participating in the event. I guess sometimes you have to give the other party the benefit of the doubt. Although he had a 'track record' of lying, he might actually be telling the truth and was really sick that one time. I agree with Jae though, that if this 'lying' persists, you should continue to talk to him since he did improve the first time you did so. Constantly remind him about his responsibilities and priorities to keep him on the right track. Also, you can talk to him parents about it. Quitting an addiction can be hard, especially when you have to do it by yourself. I think that it is helpful to let his parents know about it as they will be able to monitor him at home.
That being said, I can imagine how upset you were at that point. Not just because he probably lied, but also because you now have to cover his share of work for him. At that point in time, it might be very hard to resist yelling at him over the phone (if you were cranky enough). In your case, the skill of managing feelings is crucial, get past the initial phase of anger and you will see things more clearly!
Min